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 Our story about our angel boy

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Posts : 2
Join date : 2012-10-15

PostSubject: Our story about our angel boy   Wed Oct 24, 2012 10:39 pm

I shared my infertility story but I need to share this here.

After 6 years of trying to get pregnant, we finally had a successful insemination and we got pregnant with our first baby. DH and I were over the moon and couldn't keep it quiet. Our RE made a point to let us know that there was a chance I would miscarry so I was a wreck the entire time I was pregnant.
We saw the heartbeat at 6 weeks and each week the heartbeat looked great, we saw the baby grow and we grew more and more confident that everything was going to be ok.
My hcg levels never rose by double or got super high but after we saw they kept going up, the doctor stopped checking.
We were told at 8 weeks we could wait for 2 weeks and come back for a check up at 10 weeks. In those 2 weeks, my father was put in the ICU and was on a ventilator, my brother got married and I chased my 2 year old niece in 95 degree heat, and I was stressed. I was worried something had happened even before I went to my appointment.
DH and I went to our appointment the day after Memorial Day and we were so excited to see how much the baby grew and watch it bounce around. As soon as the doctor started the ultrasound, I saw fingers and legs. We were full of grins until the doctor started shouting out measurements. The room fell silent and he quietly said "I'm sorry, there is no heartbeat." Luckily he knew to stop the ultrasound because I was starting to shake and hyperventilate. He quickly left the room and said to take all the time we need.
I fell apart. Those aren't even the right words. I exploded in tears and my husband caught me before I fell. After collecting myself enough to walk out of the room, we went to the doctors office. I sat there and to this day I have no idea what he said. I don't think my husband did either.
We went home in seperate cars. I had to call off work and explain why. I am surprised they understood what I said. When we got home I couldn't stop crying. I sent a text to my mom because I knew I wouldn't get it out if I spoke to her. I asked her to let everyone know. I was so involved with my own grief that I didn't stop to see my husband looking defeated. That day was only the 2nd time I have seen him cry in the entire time we have been together. It made me realize that he was going through his own type of loss and grief. That was only the beginning of the journey. I chose to have a d&c because I was afraid to go through a natural loss. For me, that was the right choice. We allowed the doctor to send the baby for genetic testing to see if there were any answers. After 8 weeks of waiting for results we found out there was a chromosome abnormality that caused him to have 3 sets of chromosomes. We asked to know the sex out of curiosity and found we would had a little boy. We were told this probably wouldn't happen again but if it did we would have to have genetic testing done to find a cause.

After we found out the cause of our loss I told my husband that this baby boy was just too amazing and the world wasn't ready for this super baby. I told him our little super man was here for a short time and he was just too special and the world wasn't ready for him. Although I laughed as I said this, my heart was still broken because he was so special no matter what would have happened.

This isn't the end of my story. It is 4 1/2 months since we lost our little boy and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about him or what should have or would have been. My life has forever changed just by being blessed to be a mother to this angel that I never held or saw but he is our son and I will never forget him or forget how he has changed us forever.
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